About refugees

“You have to understand, that no one puts their children in a boat… Unless the water is safer than the land.” Somali-British poet Warsan Shire

This quote sent shivers down my spine.

I sometimes forget that the world is a hell of a lot bigger than my mind, and that everything, everyone else besides myself does not revolve around me.


Evil, evil everywhere, :/

What is it about giving Syrians shelter? :/.

I mean, they are just people who happen to be Arabs, and who are in need of a place to live, to be safe; but there are so many absurdities I read which make me sad.

There are millions of them fleeing from Syria; I used to stalk on some Syrian guys in the past, because they were hot; weirdly enough, I also had the habit of bookmarking their page, so that I could get back to them later on – not that I watched their pics and jerked off, I just like watching good looking guys.

But, most of the pages seem to be dead-ends nowadays; I feel sad, because they are so beautiful, and imagining how much ugly they have been facing nowadays, make me feel like that they did not deserve this.

It’s not about beautiful or not, nobody should be sad; wouldn’t it be great, if we were all happy, and that we all helped each other, and that we were not bad people, and that our misconceptions were treated well, and we were told, explained why something was bad, and why we shouldn’t do it.

Wouldn’t it so beautiful, if we all lived in peace and love, with no war, no greed, no bad things.

I think I am getting saturated, I don’t know if it’s because of the way, I mean, of the life I have lived; but I just feel so bad, reading, watching about bad things happening all over the world: so many wars, so much anger; so much futility, so much greed, so many deaths, so many crimes, so many tears, so many people running away, so much domination, so much ignominy!

I feel like I am neck deep in a foul murky swamp, and the putrid odors are burning my lungs, and the mist are burning my eyes, and insects are getting into my head via my nostrils, and ears, and I can’t open my mouth – this is how it feels, and it doesn’t feel good at all.


Man, we live in such a sad world, in such a sad, sad, world.

It is so painful, when it shouldn’t be, to see two men kissing; ironically enough, I do watch porn, and I don’t feel ‘nothing’ besides the boner – now that I think of it, this is what so empty in sex, and probably so ‘fulfilling’ and ‘filling’ in love.

I know nothing of both, I wish I knew, I wish I could have known about it.

I just saw two men kissing, and it was utterly heart wrenching; it felt like as if something was burning inside me, and then there was that lump in my throat, and my eyes were filled with tears.

I have kissed a guy; I have loved kissing a guy; we were together for 30 days; I met him on the 31st of January 2009 and we broke up on the 3rd of March of the same year.

We met everyday, and when we did, we walked and wandered for hours, and it was great; so great that it hurts now.

We kissed on the first day we met, and we kissed for so long; I miss his embrace, I miss his touch, I miss the way I could pull him closer to me; I don’t know if I miss him, I don’t know.


We were just not supposed to be together, and it hurts even more that I have to write about him now, now that so many years have elapsed,; I hate to relive the past, something, a time which I should break free from.

I saw these two guys kissing, and it was so fucking beautiful, that I ran away…

Islam (1)

I was just reading the Qur’an, actually started reading it, and there are already some points I do not really agree with.

They ‘authors/translators/scholars’ warned us that what we are reading is not the Qur’an, but rather their interpretation of it, which is in line with their school of thought; so in case, we are reading another interpretation of the ‘Qur’an’, we should not be surprised if we have read two different ‘Qur’an’.

In this same line of though, there’s a certain rigidity as the ‘authors’ claim of being on the only and right path, thereby rejecting any other interpretation of the Qur’an, which is not in line with the Hadiths they believe to be authentic – I will talk/write about Hadiths later on – to be a major sin, equivalent of ousting oneself from Islam.

When I first came to Islam, I was told about how the Qur’an has retained its sanctity over the years, and that at nearly 1400 years of age, the Qur’an is the same – word for word – as it has been revealed; something which I believe as even the earliest copies of the Qur’an tally to a T with the Qur’an we have now; plus, the oral tradition that reigned supreme in the Middle East, carried itself around the globe, so that there were, and there are millions of people who have memorized the same, identical Qur’an by heart, irrespective of their denominations.

This is fairly impressive, as I remember that God supposedly said in the Qur’an that His words will stand the trial of time, and that the Qur’an has been crafted in such a way so that nobody can even subtract or add a letter into it, without being exposed.

I have not learnt Arabic, so I prefer not to go on any further with this claim.

My problem is with the hadiths, the hadith that these ‘authors’ relied upon, when they gave their ‘best’ meaning, so that it could be closest in line with what it said in the Qur’an.

The Hadiths are basically the teachings of Muhammad; things Muhammad said about the Qur’an; if the Qur’an is a textbook, then the Hadiths are the annexes, the explication of the Qur’an; as I said, when I first came to Islam, I was told about the Book, the ONLY book, which is the Qur’an, but after having accepted Islam as a true religion, I was told of these Hadiths, which I was also bound to accept, and God be my witness, there are thousands of them, and with each school of thought, or denominations, brandishing that their selected Hadiths are the most ‘authentic’, and by ‘authentic’, I mean, ‘preserved’, that is, the Hadiths are considered on a par with the Qur’an when it comes to its forbearance of the effect of time, and ‘malicious’ human intervention.

Whichever, the hadith tell you about this and that, like how to pray, what to do before doing something, how to understand a certain verse, but there are certain hadiths which can operate harshly, and which doesn’t sound ‘divine’ at all – despite their ‘authenticity’.

Weirdly enough, when I was young, I would believe in all the Hadiths, as I was bent sure that they were inviolable, and sacred, and all; but now, not so much, there are some hadiths that do not touch me at all, but some people, Muslim in particular, would not flinch to accuse me of Blasphemy if I said something like that with them.

I understand the importance of the Hadith, but this is not where it ends; if you believe in the Qur’an, and assuming you are in a denomination, X, then you are supposed to be believing in ALL the Hadiths that this denominator has ‘verified’ as being more authentic; now the Hadiths, will get you going down a vicious spin down to confusion – why?

Hadiths are collected by some people, some of these people are said of having lived around the same time of the prophet, some, a few generation after; these collectors of Hadiths have had to remember thousands of these hadiths, there’s one guy, Al Bukhari who was said to have remembered as many as 600,000 hadiths, but which he brought down to a meagre 6000, then halved to 3000 – after having ‘deleted’ the dubious ones, the identical ones, and so on.

How he knew which of which was dubious, he had to verify with 5 or 10, and sometimes as much as 20 or so other people, about the truthfulness of the person who gave him the hadiths; now if one person out of 20 tells him that the guy who gave him the hadith has lied, then, the collector might not, would not take the hadith he had from him.

You see where this is going – it’s going fantastical.

I seek God, I believe in metaphysics, but going fantasy again, especially after that I have left Hinduism: NO SIR.


Long time, no hear, no see.

But this blog has been receiving so much attention, particularly because I have been posting about hot guys.

I was quite sick the last days, and when this happens, I tend to veil myself away from everyone and everything.

I am depressed, depressive, and sad.

I don’t know why I came here, why I am writing this. Pathetic that I don’t really have someone to talk to, to talk with.

But some good things also happened, anyway, I’m off to read.

Take care.

Hot Guy (13): Mariano Ontanon

The Number 13 is a number that has been ‘haunting’ me since quite long; what I mean is that it has always been sort of ‘following’ me: I have it on my results slip, I sort of often get this number at the supermarket, or wherever it is; it has just been following me, like a creep.

Anyway, this is not the point, this is not about being superstitious, this is about a guy who would make you believe in angels, while forgetting about the ‘godliness’ part; a guy with an excruciatingly haunting look: Mariano Ontanon.


He has a pristine thingy about him that makes me hyperventilate.



And this dude is not even dumb, when I did some ‘research’, I found that he’s a trained dentist, I don’t think anyone would need laughing gas or anesthetic if he’s my dental surgeon, I mean, I would just be riveted, hypnotized, damn; my body would melt like butter on a sauce pan.

MODA Jeans.indd

MODA Jeans.indd

Oh Lord, he’s WOW! ❤ _ ❤

MODA Jeans.indd

MODA Jeans.indd

A hell of a lot of pictures of him here, but I can’t get enough of him, can you?


Either way, that was just enough motivation to have me to go work out, even though it feels like that there’s no way I could possibly be on a par with this guy, (sighs)


I am not posting any links here, as he’s just all over internet, because (duh) he’s one of the best male model in the industry right now (not surprised at all).

(goes to clean the drool)

The Silver Linings Playbook


I just read the book!

I don’t know how many times I have watched the movie, which may be, and has been my favorite movie for quite a while.

I just feel good watching the movie: while watching it, and after it.

I don’t know how to explain it, but I identify myself with Pat and Tiffany, yes, both of them, I must be a double-nut-job.

I have this rage inside me just like Pat, and I sometimes explode, even though it takes a hell of a lot of time for me to ka-da-boom, :3.
Then, there are triggers, like things, like it’s some kind of a sting, um, there things which remind me of things-I-do-not-want-to-remember, and when I see those things, it’s like being stung by something, and which have an almost immediate ‘bad’ effect upon me.

Then there’s Tiffany, whore, slut Tiffany, but she’s not as much whore I find that Nikki biatch to be, anyway, this is not the point, I relate myself to her, because I can be so awkward and blunt at times, especially because I’m socially inept, but in my case I end up doing stupid things, and stupid things I have done, -_-‘

There’s also the ‘sex’ part, even though I don’t go around fucking anything-that-moves, which Tiffany sort of did after falling into a depression; I engage into ‘sexual’ activities, but if you’ve been reading me, you know that I am a virgin, technically I should be, unless, deflowering myself counts as one.

When I am horny, or rather, when I am depressed, sad or whatever, I feel horny, and I feel horny for a long time.

I could sit and watch porn, and fuck my asshole, and masturbate for hours, for days, and even more – I know that I have a sexual problem, but I don’t know how to resolve it.

It’s hard, I get horny so quickly, :/.

I don’t mind getting horny this much, but then, it frustrates me that I have to resort to masturbation (penile and anal) to give myself pleasure, instead of doing the thing.

Also, I do things I am not proud of, I can tell you about it, because it’s probable that we are never ever going to know each other, anyway this is not the point.

I have taken countless naked pictures of mine, posted it on the net, shared it with guys, of course, I don’t show my face, but I feel bad doing it.

I don’t know why, but I feel bad; it’s not really about morals and ethics, I have this ‘fear’ of getting caught, and that someone discovers the extremely lewd part of me, I do not ‘fear’ the shame upon me, but I feel ‘afraid’ of the ramifications of my doings upon my parents.

Like, I would cause them shame, and things could turn sour.

I engage into risky sexual behaviour, which in my case is being a slut on cam where I bare it all; it feels great, it feels really good to watch someone deriving pleasure from the sight of me, it feels great to see a man cumming for me; it feels like shit because it’s so pathetic, it feels like shit because I did something that could jeopardize my existence in my deep-crimson-necked town.

I am trying, I am 25, and…

I don’t know what to say further, but just that the movie and the book are great, and that they are surprisingly not very much similar, as it felt like I was reading a whole story altogether, I enjoyed both of them, I love both of them, I love feeling good.

I want to be happy… :).